Envy

Envy

How long do I have to endure bearing this feeling?

Until all that I can say was that “My life was the best thing that I could ever have”

Always…always someone has something better than I

Always…always I long for that something to be mine

My parents raised me to be contented of what I have

To smile of what God provides and make use of it fully

But, I wondered of why I can’t let go of such feeling

That it grates on my skin as if I am burning

I know it’s wrong to desire for something meant for someone else

But the question resonates in my head asking

“Why can’t I have the same? What’s the difference between us?”

People would comfort me by saying “It’s just not meant for you”

But it was never comfort that it brings

But more of a heartache and a reality that what I desired could never be mine

My sins are overflowing but I can’t seem to stop

I…I can’t control myself that even I hated who I am

From a phone, camera, a ticket, a friend, money

I can’t stop myself from comparing

Truly, I have all that I needed but why can’t I stop?

To look at someone else’s life and compare

I’m afraid to confess at my parents

They would breakdown crying if they ever heard this

They had given me great food, good schooling and even the luxuries others can’t have

How long do I have to endure bearing this feeling?

Until all that I can say was that “My life was the best thing that I could ever have”

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